White coat. Heels.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
