Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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