she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
