Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
