ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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