This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
