go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
