I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
