Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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