Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
