If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
