Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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