to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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