i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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