I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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