I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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