On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize