I wish I only lived at night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize