just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
