Will you blow on my dice?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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