She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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