I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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