Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
