Me. At least after what I've been through.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
