Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
