She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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