can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
