I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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