He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
