And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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