Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
