Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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