She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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