I want to have your abortion
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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