So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
