Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
