oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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