watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
