Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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