did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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