I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
