I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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