Non-Jews are for practice
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
