You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize