i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
