so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
