she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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