so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
