Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
