Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
