you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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