Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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