im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
