My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
