Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
