using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
