So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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